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Signs
During a very crazy drive to SoCal, I literally saw a sign that said “Trust Jesus”. :)
Yes please!
Sometimes….
I wish I grew up in China and I could watch those awesome, happy commercials and martial arts shows all day.
ah wise words of charlie brown
(via asdfghjkllove)
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Silver Lining
Sometimes I feel like life gives too many lemons to make anything but really terribly sour lemonade. But then again, days, weeks, months, even years later, I’ve often realized, “Oh, that was actually a good thing!” But before that happens it’s so hard to really accept disappointment and hardship. However, the immediate silver lining to every situation is that you learn how deeply people care for you. So to all my wonderful friends (most of who will never read this), thank you for whining with me, consoling me, and sending me the best emo music to recover with. That is some pretty silver lining.
Clean Install
Funny thing. I came onto tumblr to post a reflective piece about how things happen for a reason/my regrets about grades and, well the people I hold near and dear have all beaten me to it. I love you guys. We can do it. And things really do fall into place. I hope.
I tried to upgrade my Mac. I started by backing up all my files using Time Machine, but then I had to use the same external to mount Snow Leopard (boring back story). Anyway, in the end, I lost my Time Machine info and all my data on my computer. I was really really distressed. I thought by losing those pictures, files, AIM logs, documents, I had lost all my memories and everything. Then, because I felt like God would not possibly torture me with bad grades after such a devastating loss (yes, as if God has ever/will ever owe me anything), I decided to check BearFacts. It was ugly. Finally, as a cherry on top, my sister was hit with another round of sickness, which pretty much ensured another somber Christmas/Christmas Eve.
But, right now, I feel hope. Like I actually learned today. Don’t you ever go through those days where life just deals you one blow after another, but you somehow recover, and think, THIS IS IT—THIS IS THE TURNING POINT. This is the moment where the Grinch’s heart grows 3x bigger. This is where the Greeks let the Trojan horse into the camp. This is where the tomb is empty. Well, that my beautiful friends, is tonight. (Except much less epic.)
I was really upset about my grades, but, if I don’t get into Haas, I won’t die. And, it’s not even certain that I won’t get in yet. I am not going to dismiss the chance that something miraculous might occur.
Secondly, maybe my computer getting wiped isn’t such a bad thing. I’ll give this strange program that is trying to work 12 more hours to do its thing. Otherwise, I will start fresh. And there is something very appealing about that. I’m so tired of myself trying to relive the glory days of high school. Trying to gain pride from whatever I achieved in high school is not only silly, it is quite pointless. No one really cares about ASB or SATs any more. I want to be amazing NOW. Not just reminisce about when I was a model student. And you know what, I want to be MORE amazing. And this time around I want to do everything I actually love and care about. And this time I want to take ownership over everything I do. AND. This time, I want to actually LEARN in my classes. I hate how everyone is so ready to just give up learning to get good grades. Yes, I would give up all the knowledge I’ve obtained over the past 4 semesters for a 4.0, but can’t we just try to embrace what we’re here for… an education? Becoming cultured, well-spoken, and thoughtful people? Then maybe when we don’t get that A, we’ll at least have something. But usually the A comes with some knowledge. (WIN WIN)
Anyway, maybe it is about time I just embrace this clean install (allegory) and retrieve only what is absolutely essential. So, no more of those silly pictures that I will be immature about. (No more being immature.) No more reliance. No more clinging to the past like I have no future. I do have a future. You know what, I don’t even really want to go to China any more. I kind of just want break to be over so I can go back to work and make it happen. We’re going to make it my tumblr loves.
Disclaimer: I’m kind of sleepy, so if this was delirious rambling.. I apologize.
